if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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