they need to just BURY HIM!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
