I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
