wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
