How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
