Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You smell like stripper and shame
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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