I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
accomplished twins. life is a go
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm really busy with my period
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