I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
