Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
