I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize