no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
