we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
