I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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