I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
