i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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