i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
