I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
