I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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