I'm really into asian looking animals
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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