I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize