What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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