I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
