My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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