My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
