so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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