St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
