How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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