i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
