we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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