Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
