If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize