If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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