remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
