I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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