come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Randomize
