Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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