I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
