I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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