just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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