oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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