just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dear god my vagina.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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