tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
