Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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