Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
