I wish my penis had an off switch
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
