I heard we made out
we made out on top of his cat.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
