so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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