mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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