I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
