so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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