My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
