JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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