I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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