i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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