I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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