Umm I'm too high to move.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
