Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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