is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
me + whiskey = a bad person
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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