I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
