you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
