when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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