I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize