sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You're like the curious george of whores
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
