We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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