At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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