I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
